Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
