so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
