so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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