I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
