U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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