It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
