Me too!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
