I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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