Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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