So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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