The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
