I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
