I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
