bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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