Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize