she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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