just come out here and I will go home with you...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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