she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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