i jhust puked up my retainher.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
