They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
