I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
