dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
