Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
