im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
try to milk me bitch
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