I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my being single is dangerous.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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