i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
