Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
