Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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