Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
