My brain says no but my pants say off.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
