He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize