the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
