We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
