my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
