There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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