Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
