he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
