dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
