In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
