i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
