What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize