Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize