So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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