I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
