it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I cut my penus on the lid.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
