i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize