I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
