will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
