You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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