i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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