There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
