i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
