he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
