Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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