The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize