that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
