New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize