FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
