I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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