you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize