what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Operation Purity has been aborted
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
