He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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