She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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