Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize