Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
