It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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