dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
