I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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