At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh god it's open bar.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
