see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
