I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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