you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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