Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I need help removing her.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize