Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
