you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize