so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
