like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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