Whod you bang
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
