If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
