I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
