There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We just shotgunned beers for America
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize