Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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