Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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