I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
