I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize