Will you blow on my dice?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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