I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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