Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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