when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
