Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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