but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
