I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
