Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
