I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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