her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
