ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
