is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
