Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
