the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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