i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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