Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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