You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I supernannyed him into submission
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
