Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
zippers are such a cool invention
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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