Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
