so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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