the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
