i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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