Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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