Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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