How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize