You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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