Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
