Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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