Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
